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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been often blindsided in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, because they seemed drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, probably grasped more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few close to her have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she was an excellent employee, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us left the workforce and are seeing each other more, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. My effort is to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She has been organizing a vacation abroad I know well many times even called home for a while. I tried to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She purely only wanted me to confirm her choices. I've just come back from four weeks in that country she hopes to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly comprehend the effect of her behaviour on my self-esteem. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is rarely the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of a solution demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. Step two is to tell how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument here. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. Finally involves requesting how the two of you will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, meaning you must to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably effective to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She could ignore all you say, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a story about themselves they won't abandon since their identity depends upon it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react like this and then think on your words. And even if you never reach a fix, it will give you peace knowing you were honest with her.