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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “detached from reality”, he states. “You are on cloud nine and you tell yourself, ‘The world will recognize that I’m better than them … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically succeeded by a “crash”, a period when he feels sensitive and ashamed about his behavior, rendering him particularly vulnerable to disapproval from external sources. He came to wonder he might have NPD after looking up his traits on the internet – and was later evaluated by a clinician. Yet, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment without having independently formed that realization on his own. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – especially if they experience a sense of being better. “They’re in a delusional world that they made for themselves. And in that mindset, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

Although people have been called narcissists for decades, the meaning can be ambiguous what is meant by the label. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” states a leading researcher, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people keep it private, as there is so much stigma associated with the illness. A narcissist will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through behaviors including pursuing power,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

Though three-quarters of people identified as having narcissistic personality disorder are males, studies points out this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is frequently manifests in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, similar to everything in society,” explains a 23-year-old who posts about her co-occurring conditions on online channels. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

Personal Struggles

I find it difficult with receiving negative comments and not being accepted,” she says, since when I’m told that the problem is me, I tend to switch to a defensive state or I become unresponsive.” Despite having this reaction – which is known as “narcissistic injury”, she has been working to manage it and listen to guidance from her close relationships, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she says she and her partner “operate with an understanding where we’ve agreed, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if I say something manipulative, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have healthy examples as a child. It’s been a process of understanding continuously what is and is not appropriate to say during a fight because it wasn’t modeled for me as a kid,” she comments. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were insulting me in my early years.”

Origins of Narcissistic Traits

Conditions like NPD tend to be connected with childhood challenges. Genetics play a role,” explains a mental health specialist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting specific standards. They then “continue to use those identical strategies as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual explains when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and professional advancement, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “acceptable.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships ever worked out. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he admits. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of experiencing genuine affection, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, similar to his experience, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he notes – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

After a visit to his general practitioner, John was referred to a therapist for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been put forward for talking therapy on the public health system (extended treatment is the primary approach that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: The estimate was it is likely to occur maybe February or March next year.”

John has only told a handful of people about his mental health status, because “negative perceptions are widespread that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, personally, he has embraced the diagnosis. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is always a good thing,” he comments. All of the people have accepted their narcissism and are pursuing treatment for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the condition. But the growth of NPD content creators and the expansion of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number